Blog after blog I keep reading of 20-somethings who have a similar theme disguised as the quarter life crisis of what to do with my life but is greatest question that we all ask regardless of our age: What is the meaning of life?
As kids we love to play without worrying about looking foolish, but we dream of being a big kid, a teen. We dream of driving around in our own car. Once we are in high school we enjoy some reckless times but dream of the day we can go to college and take control of our own lives and be independent. In college we dream of that career we are told we must have to buy our own car, our own home, and make us financially secure because we are told that is what will make us happy.
The only trouble is nothing ever turns out the way you plan it. And honestly, I think it's the things that take us by surprise that give us true satisfaction. We we could plan out everything what would be the excitement in that? Sadly the American culture tells us all we must have certain things by a certain time in order to consider ourselves successful. The only bright side of this economic downturn is that more and more are going thru the same struggles with money and having to reevaluate what will make them truly happy, and sometimes it's not things but what we do that counts.
I was raised middle class. I didn't have everything, but I never really wanted for anything. My family always made sure I never did without but never indulged what I didn't really need and never left me with a feeling of self entitlement. I knew the value of a dollar and I never took anything I was given for granted. I've spoke of this before, but I think it is very important aspect of who I am as a person: I grew up with parents who where very different. They were both very open-minded, kind, liberal parents who never shied away about talking about their past shenanigans and the fun side of drugs. They never said, "because I told you so" but shared with me why so I could understand. My mom worked since she was 19 for the government and only retired a few years ago. She wanted a steady job that could support her loved ones-but she still loved her life. She never desired a specific career goal-her passion was with her family. My dad on the other hand was born with the very rare gift of artistic ability. Many can have creative ideas, but he was truly talented when it came to sculpting, painting, drawing, and scratch boarding. He never had to work at it-it was as natural to him as breathing oxygen.
He wanted to live off his art and only his art. It took him until his mid 50's to realize not everyone can live off of their passion - especially when they don't actively pursue it. This gave me a very real example of HOW I wanted to live my life, but yet I still didn't know for sure how I wanted to enjoy it. I loved the arts and I knew that was my bliss - particularly film. Ever since I was a little girl playing with my daddy's camera I knew I wanted to entertain people and as I wrote out stories I knew the combination of the two would be the ideal for me.
I also knew that the arts didn't always pay that well and I knew I wanted key things like health insurance, healthy food, and a roof over my head. I also needed to live in an area away from my hometown where I could feed my passion. I'm trying to do both and I don't know if I ever can live off my bliss, but I do know it is a very large part of my life and I will keep trying. I know that I am enjoying all the people I've met and all the stories I've heard.
I also enjoy all the stories I am making-
My first winter in Seattle and Jing and I arm locked as we walked in amazement at all the people downtown and all the beautiful Holiday decorations downtown.
Special baking sessions with Jing and then singing Michael Jackson, Bryan Adams, and Brooks & Dunn songs with beers in our hands.
Almost getting hit my Keith Urban's tour bus (and rescuing Heath) and having to walk all the way back to my apartment downtown in the middle of the night with creepy bums following us. We then get home and eat my dear friend's (and then-roommate) pizza. Ya Jing, we ate it and we enjoyed it!
Driving around the scariest parts of Vancouver with zombie-like people hitting our car.
Waiting for the last shot of a film while this local stumbles out of a bar and is telling us how he's a pirate as he starts to bark (like a dog complete with growling) and insult us.
Being in the mall during the shooting and being so shook up after hitching a ride out of the parking lot with two strangers. Trying to relax I enjoy some sushi with friends but have a guy come up to them and poke his eyeballs out before walking away to do it to the next person.
Going to a place where a murder took place way out in the middle of nowhere.
Laughing so hard after 13 hours of shooting and nothing going smoothly but enjoying all the blood and guts.
There is much more, but that is just a snippet of why I love my life. I've met my dad's friend whose clients included Michael Jackson, Elton John, George Harrison and Cher. I've had a beer with musician who's dad is one of my favorite country singers (who my dad did an album cover for) and is engaged to an actress from one of my favorite TV shows. I've met people who have worked on blockbuster films and people who have worked on local indies but have the most amazing experiences to tell and the most knowledge to share. I've met people who aren't anyone famous but have seen things I can only dream of. I've done some things that many in my home town haven't and I want to continue going on adventures like the people I meet. I want to take risks without being careless. I don't want to give up my dream but I don't want to work so hard I'm not enjoying the trip there. I know nothing will be handed to me on a silver platter, but if an opportunity is there I'm not going to shy away from it because it's too scary or too much work.
So in conclusion the answer to the ultimate question is: The experience. Follow your dreams, but know the stories you may make a long the way may be more important then the goal you have in mind. Things change and so does your idea of happiness. I may never have my own car or own my own home, but I do know I will never have any regrets. I will know that I lived my life to the best of my ability and had fun. I want to have stories to tell and not dreams of what I could have done. I enjoy all the concerts, movies, laughs, dinners, drinks, lazy days, random happenings, hikes, drives, people, dancing, and fun I can. I may not believe this is the only life I have to live (hello reincarnation) but I want to do as much as I can with this one so I can learn a little bit more before the next.
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