Rated C

I get to the gym today and am excited to find an elliptical machine right in front of a TV tuned to Oprah. I LOVE watching either Oprah or Seinfeld while working out, but I will settle for anything on MSNBC if that's what's on. Anything will do as long as it's not reality, sports, or Fox News. Sadly, those three things occur way too often and I am too lazy to change the channels (plus the few times I tried it wouldn't change and I felt like an idiot waving the remote).

Anyways, I wipe down the machine, hop on, and find that the little thing you plug in your earrphones is not turning on. I look around to see if there's a switch and finally come to the conclusion that I need to move to the empty elliptical next to me. Right as I am about to do so this stupid cow jumps on, slams down a text book (OBVIOUSLY not going to watch TV) and starts working out. I didn't shy away from dropping a few F-Bombs her way (I know she didn't do it intentionally but I was pissy to begin with).

I grumble as I find my iPod and pull it out. I put on some 80's tunes and decide to watch the caption. To my horror I soon realize they are talking about cancer. I have posted about my hypercondria back at Chattervault, but I should bring you all up to speed. I am highly suseptable to ideas plopping into my head that I have some horrid fatal disease. I've already been to the doctor twice this year just sure I had cancer (breast cancer once, lymphoma the next that ended up being a muscle). I get yelled at by friends and family if they find out I am watching a show whose plot revolves around a cancer of some sort or if I happen to google a symptom I think I am experiencing. Well all know these scenarios never end well with someone with hypercondria.

Back in the day, I use to be terrified I had some disease yet just as terrified of going to the doctor and would pitch a fit when my mom would drag me in. I would yell, scream, accuse her of killing me, and start bawling (I know, a little gem, wasn't I?). When I started paying for my own insurance, I realized that I should go to the doctor to prevent such horrid things from happening, and if they do find something at least they would catch it early. This only lead me to think that every tiny ache or mark was an underlying symptom of some mega-carcinomazilla. BECAUSE that's how it goes in the shows...Oh Sally was always being told she was just sensative...but come to find out Dr. Hero found she had CANCER! STAGE 100 MILLION! DIE BITCH!

Ok, ok, being in film I should have some handle of what's good story telling and what's reality. I know the guy getting his arm ripped off is wearing a prosthetic and it's for shock value, but people do get cancer. I've had loved ones get it. Some survived, others didn't it. I know I am not better than anyone else and something could happen and I know I shouldn't waste my time worrying about such things. As we speak, I am listening to a "Stop Worrying" hypnosis MP3, but this usually can only get me to stay semi cool. Once I see something on the news or on TV, I instantly start panicing like I did at the gym. I tried to advert my eyes but I realized I must look like there's something wrong with me (ok, there kinda is) so I glanced back up at the screen and they carried on about how this lady had a lump on her neck that was cancer, then her lymphnodes were swollen so they tested her for breast cancer and she had it...only to find out the switched her results around with someone else (she still had the neck cancer, but nothing anywhere else but this was after her boob was removed).

Now I am thinking oh great docs will just toy with me and they have no idea what they are doing just like they messed with Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck)! Again the show continues with this guy who had a spot on his tongue for years and was always told by his dentist and other doctors it was nothing. Oh what's that? FUCKING STAGE 4 cancer! WAAAAAAAH!!!!

Seriously, my work out would have been a good one if my heart hadn't been leaping out of my throat every time I looked at the TV. I don't care if there's naked people simulating raunchy sex or shooting up with heroine while saying every nasty word known to mankind. I don't care if it's rated MA or R or whatever. TELL ME IF IT'S RATED C!!!!!!